The Path to Happiness - The
Basics It is not what happens to us that controls how we feel, it is the story
we tell ourselves about what happened to us that controls our feelings and
reactions. We interpret reality based on
our perceptions (which are based on what we learned is important), and our
beliefs about what our perceptions mean. We often believe we control things we
don’t (other people’s feelings, behaviors and perceptions, the past, and the
future) and don’t realize we are in control of our feelings, behaviors, the
consequences we set for other people’s behavior, and our attitudes and beliefs. How you see your life (your attitudes and beliefs), what you focus on, determines your happiness.Happy people interpret the world based on believing the best, unhappy ones by focusing on the negative. Other people don’t make you happy or unhappy, and you don’t control their happiness. Try to accept yourself and others as imperfect but valuable, worthy humans. Stop and appreciate what you have, and who you are. Take an “attitude of gratitude.”Being open and flexible, and willing to change your expectations and behaviors based on what you learn about yourself and from others, leads to growth, acceptance and happiness. Listen and learn. Don’t focus on being right. Let go of judgments. Let go of your resistance to “what is.”Have realistic expectations – your goals should be reachable. What and whom you compare yourself to is important. If you compare your success to Bill Gates and your beauty to Halle Berry, you will feel less-than, poor, unsuccessful and unhappy. Worrying about things outside of your control makes you unhappy (other people’s behaviors and feelings, the past, the future, terror attacks…). Don’t focus on “if only…” The past is past. Question your beliefs – especially the “should” and “have to.”We need a purpose to know our life has meaning. We need to feel our life has had a positive effect on other people. We need to be connected to others. We need close relationships to be happy. Sharing our feelings, thoughts, hopes and beliefs builds close relationships. Sharing our problems helps us gain perspective and find solutions, as well as reducing feelings of isolation and aloneness.
consequences we set for other people’s behavior, and our attitudes and beliefs. How you see your life (your attitudes and beliefs), what you focus on, determines your happiness.Happy people interpret the world based on believing the best, unhappy ones by focusing on the negative. Other people don’t make you happy or unhappy, and you don’t control their happiness. Try to accept yourself and others as imperfect but valuable, worthy humans. Stop and appreciate what you have, and who you are. Take an “attitude of gratitude.”Being open and flexible, and willing to change your expectations and behaviors based on what you learn about yourself and from others, leads to growth, acceptance and happiness. Listen and learn. Don’t focus on being right. Let go of judgments. Let go of your resistance to “what is.”Have realistic expectations – your goals should be reachable. What and whom you compare yourself to is important. If you compare your success to Bill Gates and your beauty to Halle Berry, you will feel less-than, poor, unsuccessful and unhappy. Worrying about things outside of your control makes you unhappy (other people’s behaviors and feelings, the past, the future, terror attacks…). Don’t focus on “if only…” The past is past. Question your beliefs – especially the “should” and “have to.”We need a purpose to know our life has meaning. We need to feel our life has had a positive effect on other people. We need to be connected to others. We need close relationships to be happy. Sharing our feelings, thoughts, hopes and beliefs builds close relationships. Sharing our problems helps us gain perspective and find solutions, as well as reducing feelings of isolation and aloneness.